Recording Studio
by usagi-strike
Summary: When the popularity of DGM slowly drops, what will the characters do to maintain viewers? crack and OOCness, don't like don't read
1. Recording Studio

**This idea came from me watching too many Kpop MVs with hot, cute guys from my fav boy bands dancing erotically with total skanks. If you've seen "Ukiss – Stop Girl" you know the part I'm talkin bout. God, don't yall just looove looking at pretty people—especially boys!—dance?**

**No actual plot, just some random OOC crack, but enjoy!**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN DGM.**

* * *

Author: Um… what are you guys doing?

Lenalee: We're advertising!

Author: …

Lavi: Lenalee thought that we'd get more people to read our manga and watch our anime if we reenacted popular Kpop videos…

Lenalee: It's a brilliant idea! Lots of people like Kpop!

Author: Can you guys even speak Korean?

Lavi: …

Lenalee: We'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

Author: That… doesn't really explain why you're in my house, though.

Lavi: Well…

Lenalee: We were sorta low on funding for this project, so… deal with it!

Author: Is it just you two doing the videos then?

Lenalee: Nope! We're getting Kanda and Allen to do it, too, and Tim.

Author: I don't see anyone...

Kanda: OI!

Lenalee: Nii-san, I see you brought them!

Komui: Anything for my dear, adorable Lenalee~!

Allen: W-why are…?

Kanda: Che, beats me, damn Moyashi.

Allen: Didn't anyone ever teach you your letters, Bakanda?! It's Allen! A-L-L-E-N!

Kanda: Say that again, and I'm gonna…

_**Kanda unsheathes Mugen.**_

Author: Please, no blood on the—!

_**Lenalee goes over and whacks Allen and Kanda over the head.**_

Lenalee: No fighting! We need you both flawless for the photo shoots!

Lavi: I thought we were doing videos?

Lenalee: We're doing photo shoots _after_ the videos, duh.

Author: Can you guys just… hurry up and do whatever and get out of my house?

Lenalee: Lavi, did you bring the equipment?

Lavi: What equipment?

Lenalee: I thought I told you to bring—!

Author: No worries, yall can use my camcorder. It's sorta crappy, though, so…

Lenalee: That'll do just fine! Okay, so, now we can start—

Allen: Wait, what?

Kanda: I'm sure as hell not doing a video, especially not with that Moyashi.

Allen: Like I'd wanna do one with _you?!_

Lenalee: Too bad. You both have to do the videos. If not…

_**Lenalee casts a significant look at Komui and a few crocodile tears leak out of the corner of her eyes.**_

Allen: O-Okay, Lenalee, you don't have to—!

Kanda: Alright, alright, what do you want?

Lenalee: Now that _that's_ settled…

Lavi: What song are we going to do?

Lenalee: How about "Dalmation – That Man Opposed"?

Author: You don't have enough girls. How about "Lover Cop"?

Lenalee: Ooh, switching the bluehead for a redhead…? I don't think so.

Author: Ooh, how about "Stop Girl" by Ukiss?! They have a hot redhead in there, and there's even a guy with white hair in that one!

Lavi: You think I'm hot?

Author: Er, as in, you know, you both have "fiery" red hair…?

_**Lenalee whacks Author and Lavi over the head, thus ruining intimate moment.**_

Lenalee: Pay attention! The deadlines coming up fast, so we needa hurry!

Lavi: So "DoraDora" it is?

Author: You guys are short a few… _guys_.

Lenalee: Nii-san!

Komui: Already got them, Lenalee!

_**Roughly hands over a confused Jasdebi and Tyki.**_

Author: O-Oh my GOD! Wh-where'd you find _them?_

Komui: They were snooping around outside.

Kanda: Che, damn creepers.

Debi: We weren't creeping, idiots!

Jas: We were looking for Road, hii!

Lenalee: Author, why are you drooling…?

Author: M-My bad! It's just… s-so many P-PRETTY PEOPLE!

_**Author falls to the floor in a heap.**_

Tyki: So be it—let a kiss from this knight awaken this fair maiden.

_**Tyki resuscitates fainted Author.**_

Jasdebi: Ew….

Author: W-what the—?!

Lavi: GET OFF OF HER, DAMN PEDOPHILE! SHE'S MINE!

Lenalee: Let's just get started…

Author: W-Wait, we still need three girl backup dancers…

Lenalee: Actually, just two, since you're doing it with us.

Author: B-But I can't dance for SHIT!

Lenalee: Too bad! Hey, Nii-san—Miranda, Road, how'd you get there? And where's Nii-san?

Miranda: K-Komui dropped the both of us here and then he left, saying he had some experiments to finish up at the lab.

Road: Why didn't you guys come find me?

Debi: That damn glasses guy abducted us!

Lavi: Hey, Road, wanna dance erotically with Allen?

Allen: E-Erotically—?!

Road: Kyah, why wouldn't I?

_**Road jumps and glomps Allen.**_

Lenalee: Y-You're not supposed to do that until we're filming! And plus—!

Author: Shouldn't you guys practice first…?

Lenalee: We'll do fine!

Author: Who's filming, again?

Lenalee: We'll just leave it there to run on its own.

Author: S-Sure…

Lenalee: POSITIONS, PEOPLE!

_**Everyone runs to their places.**_

Lenalee: Okay, here goes…

_**The house shakes in tune to the pounding of the lively music.**_

Lenalee: STOP!

Lavi: What's wrong?

Lenalee: None of you have your lines memorized, and you're all moving out of synch!

Debi: What else did you expect? You didn't even give us the damn lyrics—! Ow!

Lenalee: That's no way to talk to a girl.

Author: Told you you shoulda practiced…

Lenalee: We'll all watch theoriginal music video to get the hang of it, so Lavi, get a laptop.

Lavi: Hai, hai. Is this it?

Lenalee: No, that's "DoraDora"—

Author: O-Oh my God…

_**Author commences to have a major nosebleed all over self.**_

Kanda: Get a hold of yourself, woman!

Author: M-My bad…

Lenalee: Okay, watch the video, guys! You better have it all down when we start, because if you guys fuck this up…

_**The image of an angry Komui rose up and engulfed them, and they all quickly commenced studying their parts.**_

Lenalee: Okay, now… POSITONS! Let's go…

_**Dancing and singing commences, and nearly two minutes into the video…**_

Lavi: H-Holy crap!

Lenalee: W-What was _that_ for?

Author: O-Oh my god, Lenalee, you're bleeding—!

Tyki: Oh, a cat fight. How entertaining.

Debi: Yeah, Road, show that skank who's boss!

Jas: Right in the eye, hii!

Kanda: I'm leaving before Komui comes.

Allen: Damn it, BaKanda, don't just wuss out—!

Kanda: Take care of your problems on your own, Moyashi. Don't drag other people into it.

_**Kanda exits the room so as not to face the wrath of an angry Komui.**_

Tyki: You should apologize, Road.

Road: Sorry~

Lenalee: Not _yet_ you aren't, you little—!

Lavi: Stop, Lenalee!

Road: Well, it's your fault for hanging all over MY Allen like that.

Lenalee: YOUR—?

_**Road grabs onto Allen's arm and sticks her tongue out at Lenalee, who's gushing blood all over her face and the carpet.**_

Road: Yeah, you heard that right.

Lenalee: You—!

Author: Okay, this is getting awkward and weird…

Jas: I'm bored, hii…

Debi: Come on, Jas, let's go do something else, this aint no fun.

_**Jasdebi, exit stage left. Center stage, commence fight.**_

Author: Okay, guys, this was fun and all, but—

Allen: Road, don't—!

Lavi: OH MY GOD, MY EYE—!

Lenalee: My HAIR, YOU FRIGGIN—!

Author: Okay… GET THE FUCKING HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE ALREADY!

_**Author shoves crowd of Noahs and Exorcists out front door and slumps to the floor.**_

Author: Shit, look at all that blood…

Krory: I VANT TO SUCK YOUR VLOOD.

Author: HOLY—!

* * *

**Should I do a second one for this or nooo…? Review and tell me. Depending on what yall say, I might just end it here, so YEAH. Review?**


	2. Beautiful Target

**CHAPTER 2**

**Since some people reviewed (thanks, onewiththetree and 99DenmonChick99! Only ones reading this, apparently...), I guess I'll continue this for a little.**

**Should this start feeling as if it's dragging on too long and getting boring and repetitive, feel free to tell me so I can discontinue it. Or maybe not. Maybe I'll just put this as "completed" once the views hit 0.**

**Ah, expect updates for this to be… much slower than it has proved to be. I'm working on lotsa other fanfics.**

**Ah, and also, if you think I should try featuring certain bands, say so! I might do just that…**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN DGM.**

**these count as line breaks → OvO**

Author: Lavi, what're you and Kanda doing here?

Lavi: We're hidin' from Lenalee. She wants to do another one of those Kpop videos or whatever, since it was a hit the first time around.

Author: Isn't that a bad idea? I mean, you guys did use this as a recording studio, so it would be the first place she'd come to if you guys were going to do another vid…

_**Lavi face palms.**_

Lavi: Damn, I didn't think about that! Yuu, why didn't ya say anythin'?

Kanda: I already did, Baka Usagi. And don't call me that!

Author: R-Really… well, since people really liked it, you guys should've gotten money for it. You guys won't have to film in my house anymore, right?

Lavi: …

Author: RIGHT?

Lavi: Haha, about that… the funds went to payin' Krory's hospital bills.

Author: K-Krory? H-Hospital bills…?

Lavi: Yeah, a little after we left your house we found him lyin' in a pool of his own blood. He was mauled by some vicious animal or somethin'.

Author: A "vicious animal"…?

Lavi: Yeah, it musta been a rabid dog or badger, he had lacerations an' bite-marks everywhere. Seems like he caught something disgustin', too. Eh, what's wrong, Author?

Author: Oh, nothing, Lavi. Just having an existential breakdown over here, nothing major enough for you to concern yourself over...

_**Lavi scratches head while Author rocks back and forth alone in dark corner.**_

Kanda: Che, Baka Usagi.

Lavi: What? What'd I do?

Allen: Author?! What's wrong, are you hurt?!

_**Author cries out incoherently, waving arm in general direction of Kanda and Lavi.**_

Allen: Kanda, what'd you do?

Kanda: I don't have to answer to you.

Allen: You just did, idiot.

_**Kanda unsheathes Mugen.**_

Kanda: What'd you call me, damn Moyashi?

Allen: What does it sound like, BaKanda? And it's ALLEN. How many times do I have to—?

Lavi: Allen? Then that means—!

Lenalee: Ladies, please, can we save the pissing contest for later? We have work to do!

Lavi: Damn it, bitch!

Lenalee: _What_ was that, Lavi?

Lavi: N-Nothin'! I'm just _so_ psyched to start workin' on our newest project!

Lenalee: Good, now—Author, what're you doing?

Author: Getting rid of unwanted guests.

Lenalee: Ah, really? And we were going to let you have some of the profits for this video, too…

Author: I'm listening?

Lenalee: I knew you'd see things my way. Now then, let's get started. Positions, people!

Author: Wait, what mv are you guys doing this time?

Lenalee: Hm, haven't thought of it yet… I think I'll just wing it! Karaoke style, people!

Author: Er, if you say so…

_**Author looks around at hoboes gathered in house.**_

Author: Where's the karaoke stuff?

Lenalee: We thought you'd have it.

Author: …

_**Lenalee gives long-suffering sigh.**_

Lenalee: I guess we'll just have to work with what we've got, then. Thanks, Nii-san!

Author: What the—?

Komui: Anything for my dear Lenalee!

Author: How did the sister-complex creeper get in here…?

Lenalee: Okay guys! For today…

_**Lenalee dumps loads of animal outfits on floor and whips out camcorder and laptop.**_

Lenalee: …we're doing a cover for B1A4's "Beautiful Target"! Now put those suits on!

Lavi: I'd like to paint a "Beautiful Target" on your _back_…

Lenalee: _WHAT_ was that, Lavi…?

Author: Ah, he said you're probably the "Beautiful Target" they're talking about in the song!

Lenalee: Aw, thanks Lavi, that's so cute! I always knew you liked me!

Komui: WHICH DESPICABLE OCTOPUS IS TARGETING MY BEAUTIFUL LENALEE?!

_**Komui turns his evil glare on the adorable rabbit.**_

Lavi: Er, hahah, where're those damn suits…

Lenalee: Nii-san, stop over-reacting and go make yourself useful.

Allen: What is this!?

Kanda: Isn't it obvious, Mo-ya-_shi?_

Allen: BaKanda—

Lenalee: Stop being such a prick, Allen. That _is_ a moyashi. And Kanda, why aren't you dressed?

Kanda: Che. I don't need to…

_**Under Komui's threatening eye, Kanda's resolve withers.**_

Kanda: Alright, I'll wear the crown…

Allen: No! He has to wear that stupid-looking feudal samurai outfit!

Kanda: "Stupid-looking"? That model of archaic chivalry contains more grace than you, you bow-legged Brit.

Allen: Stupid BaKanda, who are you—!

Lenalee: Allen. Kanda looks perfectly fine with that crown. Are you trying to ruin my program?

_**Allen's physically wilts under the combined glares of the three gorgons.**_

Allen: O-Of course not… I mean, if anyone's trying to do that, it's La—

Author: L-Lavi!

Lavi: W-What? What is it?!

Author: Y-You…! K-KAWAII—!

_**Author spontaneously combusts, smearing blood all over floor.**_

Lenalee: Someone _please_ clean that up? We can't have that lying there when we film.

Komui: Anything for my dear Lenalee!

_**Author's dead (?) body dragged off by Komui.**_

Lenalee: Now then—! Oh, wait.

Lavi: What _now_…?

Lenalee: We need two more _guys_…

Komui: Anything for my dear—!

Lenalee: NOT NOW, NII-SAN!

Komui: Okay…

_**Komui skulks off to sulk in a dark corner alone.**_

Lenalee: Now then.., why don't you two come out already?

Debitto: We don't hafta listen to you, damn bitch!

Jasdero: Yeah, we don't, hii!

Lenalee: You want my brother to come and painfully remove your manhood for you, free of charge?

Jasdero: N-No! Debi, Debi, what do we do, hii!?

Debitto: W-We'll just follow along for now, crazy bitch, got that?

Lenalee: Put on those suits.

Jasdero: All of them, hii…?

_**Debitto face-palms as Jasdero struggles to put on both a police officer suit and a paramedic suit.**_

Debitto: No, Jas, only one.

Jasdero: Awww… okay, hii…

Lenalee: Okay, pretty idiot boys, places!

Allen: Who's filming?

Lenalee: I think it'll be fine if we just leave it lying here recording on its own.

Lavi: Damn…

Lenalee: Stop your griping, Lavi!

Lavi: Hai, hai…

_**Dancing and singing commences until…**_

Jasdero: Ooh, pretty lights, hii…

Debitto: W-What the fuck?

Allen: T-There's something wrong with the lights…

Lavi: D-Don't look at them—!

_**Everyone spazzes out from flashing strobe lights and falls to floor.**_

Author: Hahah, suck _that_, bitches. Dragging my dead body off to be buried like that. Heheheh…

Komui: MY DEAR LENALEE~! WHAT'VE YOU DONE TO HER, MONSTER!?

Author: I-I haven't done anything! If anything, y-you should be thanking me, since those, uh, those weird octopus men were going to do bad things to her!

Komui: Bad things…?

Author: Uh, yes! Like, uh, you know, _that_, and, er, that _other_ one…

Komui: GET AWAY FROM MY DEAR LENALEE, YOU DISGUSTING OCOPI!

_**Komui kicks Debitto and Jasdero's spazzed bodies out the window and is preparing to do so again with Lavi.**_

Author: D-Don't!

_**Komui turns suspiciously, a gleaming drill appearing in one hand.**_

Komui: Why not…?

Author: Uh, you'll have to pay lotsa repair bills and hospital bills if you do…?

Komui: True… I'll just hook him up to the K-90F23 Virtual Reality apparatus then.

Author: O-Okay. Way to be, uh, innovative.

Komui: I'll be going then!

Author: Yeah, sure! See ya soon, maybe… Yeah. That's fine. Don't take any of the other octopi with you…

**O.O**

**Lavi's diction has changed.**

**Personally, in B1A4, I prefer Cnu, who my sisters say is UGLY. I dunno, ever since I saw BT (first MV of theirs I ever saw), he's been my favorite.**

**Well, sorry if this was disappointing, especially after the uber-long wait. Hope for better in the future!**

**Oh, wait. Clarification. Storbe light spazzing? Think that one episode in Simpsons where they're in Japan and they're watching that one show on TV. Yeah, that.**


End file.
